First blog post

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Author: Cre8tive Heart

Being a child narcissistic parents I realized I existed only to provide a reflection of them and to serve. I was trained very young to put everyone’s needs first, to be perfect and to set an example for my four siblings. Like many children of narcissists I experienced a lot of confusion and deep down never felt loved or good enough. I left home at 19 to live with a boyfriend. I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. Unfortunately I wasn’t prepared for life as I had little gauge for what was emotionally healthy. I got involved with men who weren’t good men and I sought pleasure in alcohol and drugs. I had a wake-up call in my mid to late thirties after an awful break up with a narcissistic man I had to put a restraining order on and move out of the area I loved. This sent me into a whirlwind of depression that led me to seek therapy and connect deeper to my spirituality. Up until recent I have always tried to be a good sister, friend and daughter. I thought the bond I had with my siblings was real. Living in the chaos of fighting, arguing and violence we only had each other. We would say often we were happy we had each other and weren’t only children. I felt understood, loved and believed I had a place with them. What I’ve discovered was this was all an illusion. Something I fabricated in my mind to give me a sense of place; my tribe. Needless to say my new awareness gave me an life altering jolt of reality. Because of this realization, I’ve distanced myself from the pack and am now perceived as a traitor / outsider. When I do have dealings with the siblings I am told in so many words that I or my husband has a problem it has nothing to do with them. They make excuses for each other and condone poor behavior and act as if they have one mind which they can tap into it to see how the other is feeling and thinking. It’s a journey of discoveries with twists and turns along the way. My goal is to reconnect with my spirit and live from a place of authenticity.

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